Saturday, September 01, 2007
The Dirty Baker's Dozen
Here is the rest of my list of the top 27 Weird Al quotes. All of these can be downloaded on the left hand side under Weird Al Quotes. You should download them, especially this last list. I had a little fun with the voices in between.
13. I gave our camera to Bernie, and we stood by the ball, And we all gathered around and said, "Cheese."
Then Bernie ran away with my brand new Instamatic, But at least we've got our memories.
12. Well, nobody ever drove me to school when it was 90 degrees below. We had to walk butt naked through 40 miles of snow. Worked in the coal mine 22 hours a day for just half a cent. Had to sell my internal organs just to pay the rent.
11. You make me wanna break the laws of time and space. You make me wanna eat pork. You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, Then remove 'em with a pitchfork
10. I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station... with my tongue
Then spend one more minute with you.
9. Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra doing in my underwear drawer?
Sometimes I get to thinking you don't love me anymore
8. My love for you's like diarrhea I just can't hold it in
7. I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife
So don't be vain and don't be whiny Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie.
6. They say he's got a lot of chutzpah, he's really quite hhhhhip The parents pay the moyl and he gets to keep the tip!
5. Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have dated What to do now? Should I go ahead and propose
And get hitched and have kids with eleven toes And move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated?
4. When I said I'd be faithful When I promised I'd be true When I swore that I could never
Be with anyone but you When I told you that I loved you With those tender words I spoke
I was only kidding Now, can't you take a joke?
3. (Look out!) It's gonna melt your face right off your skull
(Look out!) And make your iPod only play Jethro Tull
(Look out!) And tell you knock-knock jokes while you're tryin' to sleep
(Look out!) And make you physically attracted to sheep
2. Hey, you want me to help you with that?" And Marty, he just rolls his eyes, and goes, "No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw!" So I did. And then he gets all indignant on me. He's like, "Hey, man, I was just
being sarcastic!" Well, that's just great. How was I supposed to know that? I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud. Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname - Torso-Boy! So what's he complaining about?
1. I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller! You're just about as useless as jpegs to Helen Keller
13. I gave our camera to Bernie, and we stood by the ball, And we all gathered around and said, "Cheese."
Then Bernie ran away with my brand new Instamatic, But at least we've got our memories.
12. Well, nobody ever drove me to school when it was 90 degrees below. We had to walk butt naked through 40 miles of snow. Worked in the coal mine 22 hours a day for just half a cent. Had to sell my internal organs just to pay the rent.
11. You make me wanna break the laws of time and space. You make me wanna eat pork. You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, Then remove 'em with a pitchfork
10. I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station... with my tongue
Then spend one more minute with you.
9. Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra doing in my underwear drawer?
Sometimes I get to thinking you don't love me anymore
8. My love for you's like diarrhea I just can't hold it in
7. I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife
So don't be vain and don't be whiny Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie.
6. They say he's got a lot of chutzpah, he's really quite hhhhhip The parents pay the moyl and he gets to keep the tip!
5. Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have dated What to do now? Should I go ahead and propose
And get hitched and have kids with eleven toes And move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated?
4. When I said I'd be faithful When I promised I'd be true When I swore that I could never
Be with anyone but you When I told you that I loved you With those tender words I spoke
I was only kidding Now, can't you take a joke?
3. (Look out!) It's gonna melt your face right off your skull
(Look out!) And make your iPod only play Jethro Tull
(Look out!) And tell you knock-knock jokes while you're tryin' to sleep
(Look out!) And make you physically attracted to sheep
2. Hey, you want me to help you with that?" And Marty, he just rolls his eyes, and goes, "No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw!" So I did. And then he gets all indignant on me. He's like, "Hey, man, I was just
being sarcastic!" Well, that's just great. How was I supposed to know that? I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud. Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname - Torso-Boy! So what's he complaining about?
1. I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller! You're just about as useless as jpegs to Helen Keller
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