Tuesday, October 31, 2006
These will be my last two stories from the adventures of Kirk. I debated not telling them since they are both self serving but then I thought if you've got it you better flaunt it because if you don't hardly anyone else will unless you pay them to. These stories are called:
While in Australia Caleb corrupted Kirk by taking him to several pubs and bars. Neither Kirk nor Caleb drink alcohol and so I fell in love with a non alcoholic drink which I ordered 20 to 30 times called "Lemon Lime and Bitters." I loved it so much that I brought a bottle of bitters back home with me. Any ways on my fourth day in Hawaii I had been too long without this drink and every restaurant I had tried to order it in just looked at me funny. No one had heard of it. I figured I knew how to solve this and so I sought out the Outback Steakhouse. (a little piece of Australia in the U.S.) I meandered up to the bar and ordered a lemon, lime and bitters. The bartender flashed me a winning smile (female not like the sticker guy) and said I've never heard of it how do you make it? I proceeded to tell her and she made me one and it was perfect. I offered to pay for it but she refused and offered me a second. So I have taught the Outback Steakhouse Corporation how to make an Aussie drink.
The second story took place in the airport in Sydney as I was waiting for my plane to Oahu. I was pacing around the terminal as I always do, (I hate sitting still) wearing my Carolina Hurricanes Stanley Cup Champions T Shirt when I was approached by a man who introduced himself as Don from South Carolina. I told him I was Kirk from Canada. The next thing he asked me sent a chill of joy down my spine. He said "So how long have you been playing for the Hurricanes" I said "excuse me" He said "it must have been great winning the cup this year" I then explained to him that I was a fan and not a player on the team. He probably thought I was Mike Commadore. Look up his picture I think you will see the resemblance.
Kirk Doesn't Pass the Bar
andKirk Raises Cane
While in Australia Caleb corrupted Kirk by taking him to several pubs and bars. Neither Kirk nor Caleb drink alcohol and so I fell in love with a non alcoholic drink which I ordered 20 to 30 times called "Lemon Lime and Bitters." I loved it so much that I brought a bottle of bitters back home with me. Any ways on my fourth day in Hawaii I had been too long without this drink and every restaurant I had tried to order it in just looked at me funny. No one had heard of it. I figured I knew how to solve this and so I sought out the Outback Steakhouse. (a little piece of Australia in the U.S.) I meandered up to the bar and ordered a lemon, lime and bitters. The bartender flashed me a winning smile (female not like the sticker guy) and said I've never heard of it how do you make it? I proceeded to tell her and she made me one and it was perfect. I offered to pay for it but she refused and offered me a second. So I have taught the Outback Steakhouse Corporation how to make an Aussie drink.
The second story took place in the airport in Sydney as I was waiting for my plane to Oahu. I was pacing around the terminal as I always do, (I hate sitting still) wearing my Carolina Hurricanes Stanley Cup Champions T Shirt when I was approached by a man who introduced himself as Don from South Carolina. I told him I was Kirk from Canada. The next thing he asked me sent a chill of joy down my spine. He said "So how long have you been playing for the Hurricanes" I said "excuse me" He said "it must have been great winning the cup this year" I then explained to him that I was a fan and not a player on the team. He probably thought I was Mike Commadore. Look up his picture I think you will see the resemblance.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Inspired by Corner Gas Season 3 Episode 1 Holly Tatton, Tim Branscombe and myself have borrowed $10000 from the imaginary money tree and invested it in stocks. Thus we have started our stock pool. If you want in I will be accepting a limited number on entrants. (nice word) To enter you must choose $10000 worth of stock from the New York Stock Exchange. You can buy from as many different companies as you want but spend no more than $10000. An example would be buying 500 shares of Exxon at $10.00 a share. You would have spent $5000. Then you buy 50 shares of Halliburton at $10.00 which would mean you had spent another $500. Keep going until you get to $10000. Contest ends Christmas Day. All you need to email me is the company Symbol and number of shares. Remember limited room available. Tim and I are putting out a specific challenge to Aaron Perry. Bring it. Send all info to habhate@nbnet.nb.ca .
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
My friends around here have been complaining that the adventure stories that I've been writing about are stories that I have already told them. I have decided that this story will be one that I have not shared with them yet. (For some reason I think they think I keep my most entertaining stories to myself) I call this story:
One warm star lit evening on the coast of Oahu Kirk was out walking the streets of Waikiki. He came to an intersection and had the desire to cross the street that lay before him. As he glanced up he noticed the large Don't Walk sign. He ceased his movement and began to wait. Moments later the light changed to green that was in front ofhim but the sign remained at its Don't Walk status. He realized this was happening to allow for left turns and so he looked to his right to see if there were any vehicles in sight. There were none visible and so Kirk proceeded to cross the road. When he reached the other side (safely and still with no vehicles in sight I might add) his continued progress was stopped by a uniformed 5-0 . (slang for Hawaiian police officer ie: Hawaii 5-0 the TV show) He began to explain to me that I had put my life in danger by being so reckless in my street crossing shenanigans. Kirk then explained to him all the care he had taken towards crossing the street in complete safety but the officer refused to listen to Kirk's well thought out argument. A few seconds later he released me to carry on my way.
I hope those of you looking for new stories enjoyed this little tale. I don't think it will go on my permanent record but if it does and I get those wanted posters put up in the post office I want my criminal name to be "Safe Walking Sasquatch"
Kirk Gets Busted By the Law
One warm star lit evening on the coast of Oahu Kirk was out walking the streets of Waikiki. He came to an intersection and had the desire to cross the street that lay before him. As he glanced up he noticed the large Don't Walk sign. He ceased his movement and began to wait. Moments later the light changed to green that was in front ofhim but the sign remained at its Don't Walk status. He realized this was happening to allow for left turns and so he looked to his right to see if there were any vehicles in sight. There were none visible and so Kirk proceeded to cross the road. When he reached the other side (safely and still with no vehicles in sight I might add) his continued progress was stopped by a uniformed 5-0 . (slang for Hawaiian police officer ie: Hawaii 5-0 the TV show) He began to explain to me that I had put my life in danger by being so reckless in my street crossing shenanigans. Kirk then explained to him all the care he had taken towards crossing the street in complete safety but the officer refused to listen to Kirk's well thought out argument. A few seconds later he released me to carry on my way.
I hope those of you looking for new stories enjoyed this little tale. I don't think it will go on my permanent record but if it does and I get those wanted posters put up in the post office I want my criminal name to be "Safe Walking Sasquatch"
Friday, October 20, 2006
Ok Here's Story #2 from Kirk's Australia adventures. It is a tragic story that I've entitled:
One beautiful Saturday night Kirk got ready to participate in the greatest game ever invented. That game of course, as if you didn't know, is Ultimate Elimination Bruce. If you are unfamiliar with the game it is a combination of janitor, truth, dare, double dare, rock, paper, scissors and Survivor. Caleb invited me to take part in the Australia championships. The only way in to the game was to have won before. That was why I was so honoured to be invited as even though I have made the final 3, 5 times I have finished 2nd 5 times and have never won. 8 combatants but there could only be one owner of the UEB/Cricket trophy. The game ensued. Within 2 rounds I made my way to President where I remained for the rest of the game. I was a good president showing compassion to those at lower stations then me (everyone) and providing entertainment when necessary. When the dust settled the final 3 were Caleb Lapointe, Kirk Perry (both original members) and Greg Driscoll. (yes that Greg Driscoll) All 3 of us masterfully answered the question round which included an opportunity for me to bust out my dancing moves which surprised and enthralled everyone. It was then time for the voting. After the first 4 votes the score was tied Kirk - 2 votes, Greg - 2 votes. (Caleb - 0) Last voter was Tim Robinson (Australian). He proceeded to tell why he would or would not vote for people. Just before he declared his vote it was clear the vote was mine due to the glowing praise of my game and then he uttered these words: "My vote is for Greg because we have to keep the championship in Australia and I can't vote for a Canadian." What a racist jerk. Now I have finished 2nd 6 out of 6 times thanks to the predjudice of a Wallaby. I now know how Kunta Kinte must have felt just before they cut his foot off. (and this was how I found out Australians are racists)
Private message to Greg: This is not over. Your disrespect of the hallowed final 3 was noted and is sure to be a topic of discussion at the next council of 8.
How Kirk found out Australians Are Racists
One beautiful Saturday night Kirk got ready to participate in the greatest game ever invented. That game of course, as if you didn't know, is Ultimate Elimination Bruce. If you are unfamiliar with the game it is a combination of janitor, truth, dare, double dare, rock, paper, scissors and Survivor. Caleb invited me to take part in the Australia championships. The only way in to the game was to have won before. That was why I was so honoured to be invited as even though I have made the final 3, 5 times I have finished 2nd 5 times and have never won. 8 combatants but there could only be one owner of the UEB/Cricket trophy. The game ensued. Within 2 rounds I made my way to President where I remained for the rest of the game. I was a good president showing compassion to those at lower stations then me (everyone) and providing entertainment when necessary. When the dust settled the final 3 were Caleb Lapointe, Kirk Perry (both original members) and Greg Driscoll. (yes that Greg Driscoll) All 3 of us masterfully answered the question round which included an opportunity for me to bust out my dancing moves which surprised and enthralled everyone. It was then time for the voting. After the first 4 votes the score was tied Kirk - 2 votes, Greg - 2 votes. (Caleb - 0) Last voter was Tim Robinson (Australian). He proceeded to tell why he would or would not vote for people. Just before he declared his vote it was clear the vote was mine due to the glowing praise of my game and then he uttered these words: "My vote is for Greg because we have to keep the championship in Australia and I can't vote for a Canadian." What a racist jerk. Now I have finished 2nd 6 out of 6 times thanks to the predjudice of a Wallaby. I now know how Kunta Kinte must have felt just before they cut his foot off. (and this was how I found out Australians are racists)
Private message to Greg: This is not over. Your disrespect of the hallowed final 3 was noted and is sure to be a topic of discussion at the next council of 8.
Monday, October 16, 2006
I am a slogger. Sorry it's my first time I wanted to know how that felt. Ok I think I'm going to do a few posts about stories from my trip. I am calling my first one:
One day while in Australia Kirk decided to go to work with Caleb. Caleb works in a little office testing food products by taking blood samples of his volunteer eaters. I like to eat so I volunteered to work with him on this day. Caleb took me into the back room and showed me how easy it was to prick your finger with a very small needle and place a few drops of blood on a piece of paper which can be analyzed. I then showed Caleb how dangerous it is for a 6' 3" man to be very dizzy in a small room filled with blood samples and test tubes. As I struggled towards a comfy chair and lay there for the next 3 hours barely able to move without feeling like all my internal fluids in my body were currently in a centrifuge this thought went through my mind: If my phobia of needles cause me this much stress and down time how would I ever survive the hundreds of needle pricks I would need to receive to get my "I hate Tattoos" tattoo. Sadly my body will remain without colour until tattoos are burned onto the body through the use of lasers. (I wonder if that laser would scald me)
100 Reasons Why Kirk Will Never Get a Tattoo
One day while in Australia Kirk decided to go to work with Caleb. Caleb works in a little office testing food products by taking blood samples of his volunteer eaters. I like to eat so I volunteered to work with him on this day. Caleb took me into the back room and showed me how easy it was to prick your finger with a very small needle and place a few drops of blood on a piece of paper which can be analyzed. I then showed Caleb how dangerous it is for a 6' 3" man to be very dizzy in a small room filled with blood samples and test tubes. As I struggled towards a comfy chair and lay there for the next 3 hours barely able to move without feeling like all my internal fluids in my body were currently in a centrifuge this thought went through my mind: If my phobia of needles cause me this much stress and down time how would I ever survive the hundreds of needle pricks I would need to receive to get my "I hate Tattoos" tattoo. Sadly my body will remain without colour until tattoos are burned onto the body through the use of lasers. (I wonder if that laser would scald me)
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Wow it's 3:00 AM I must be lonely. Someone should write a song about that. They could call it Gold Digger or something like that. Well since my time will soon be coming to an end here in Australia I've decided to stop sleeping so I can spend as many of the waking hours that I have left as I can enjoying this beautiful country. My favourite NRL team won the Grand Final tonight. There are not many people if any in the world that can say that their favourite NHL team and and favourite NRL team won the championship in the same year. Well just a short note to say I made a discovery tonight that has me regretting my entire Pride and Prejudice blog entry. That discovery is the Bollywood version of the same story entitled Bride and Prejudice. I only was able to see and hear fragments of it but from what I heard there may be potential for it to pass the BBC version. Mr Collins in particular made me giggle. Ok for those of you still reading that have had nothing of interest to read yet I submit this to you: Panda meat tastes amazing.
