Life on the rock. A Habhater's tale.

How Not to Trash Talk: A True Story

Ok first off congratulations to both the guys and girls teams for winning (no slaughtering) their opposition at the Provincials this past weekend at the Aitken Center. Both teams played incredible and the girls beat Hartland by 22 and the guys beat McAdam by 18 points. Now to the stories behind the title of this post. First off even though Hartland lost they didn't embarrass themselves too bad in the way they cheered. (except for their raccoon mascot. Why do the Hartland Huskies have a raccoon for a mascot any ways) When the guys game started a whole new group of fans showed up from McAdam High. Tee Hee. One guy had a sign that read "Go Warriors Go" (McAdam Warriors). Our guys got off to a 14-0 lead which quieted them down for a while (we may or may not have given them a hard time yelling things like "Where did that sign go" "I wish We could read that sign again" and singing " signs signs nowhere are there signs) Half way through the second half McAdam hit a three bringing them within 15 and the guy holding the sign ran over to us shoved the sign out towards us yelling "read the sign, read the sign" To which myself and about four others in my row started saying "it's upside down", "it's upside down" After about 20 seconds of this exchange he realized his sign was upside down and retreated back to his fellow fans. Now comes my favourite attempt at trash talk of all time: With about 5 minutes to go in the game Mc Adam scored bringing our lead down to a 19 point one. One of the McAdam fans started yelling at us "What happened to your 24 point lead?" I replied "wow you got us it is down to 19 points now" at which point he gave me the finger. I think I laughed for the rest of the game and several more times that evening and the next day and a few times tonight about it. So here are my tips to those of you out there that would like to learn how not to trash talk:

Tip # 1 Always make sure your props are in working order.
Tip # 2 Sporting an in your face attitude when your Basketball team is still losing by 19 is kind of foolish (but funny)
Tip # 3 Just cheer for Grand Manan then you don't have to worry about cheering for the losing team.

Kirk's Top 15 Weird Al Song Quotes that Didn't Make His Top 27

That's right I'm putting together my top 27 (Weird Al's Favourite number) Weird Al song quotes. This was a lot harder then I imagined. I went through all of his songs and started with a list of about 60 quotes. The only rule I had was only one quote per song. Some songs like You Make Me, Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota, and Albuquerque had 3 or 4 quotes that could have been in contention. A lot of these quotes will be new to those of you that aren't die hard fans. I tend to like his originals more than his parodies and so many of the quotes come from those less publically known songs. So basically this is the list of the last 15 songs I cut from the big list. Enjoy and don't forget to vote in the survey in my last post.

# 15 Oh, it's Christmas at Ground Zero And if the radiation level's okay
I'll go out with you and see the all new Mutations on New Year's Day.

# 14 I liked the professor. He always saved their butts.
He could build a nuclear reactor from a couple of coconuts.
She said, "That guy's a genius." I shook my head and laughed.
I said, "If he's so fly, then tell me why he couldn't build a lousy raft?

# 13 Somebody's poor old mom Falls down off the roof, lands right on the lawn
Face first on a rake. I hear they got it on the seventeenth take.
That's funny as a kick in the crotch. And that kinda show, uh, I can't watch.

# 12 A lot of folks were croakin' The battle droids were broken
And the Jedi I admire most Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast
Well, I'm still here and he's a ghost I guess I'll train this boy

# 11 Only question I ever thought was hard Was, do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?
Spend every weekend at the Renaissance Faire Got my name on my underwear.

# 10 They all live on donuts and moose meat And they leave the house without packin' heat
Never even bring their guns to the mall

#9 I filled that kitty cat so full of lead, We'll have to use him for a pencil instead.
Well, I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day.

#8 Once I blew my nose and then I wiped it on your cat And I lied - yes, that dress makes you look fat
Anyway...I shouldn't say anymore Till I give you part 4 of my confessions

#7 And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds. Lemme tell you once again who's fat.

#6 And did I mention she's a world-famous billionaire Bikini supermodel astrophysicist?
Yeah, she was so pretty she made Charlize Theron Look like a big fat slobberin' pig

#5 Wanna turn on ET cause I'm a gossip freak And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this week.

#4 Three days since he interviewed A bunch of psychic porn star midgets who were all nude
Yesterday, it occurred to me That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer.

#3 Since you've been gone Well, it feels like I'm getting tetanus shots every day
Since you've been gone It's like I got an ice cream headache that won't go away

#2 How can you ignore me, when you know that I can't live without you?
I have to go through your garbage just to learn more about you.
Melanie,

# 1 Well you just can’t dance And forget romance
Everybody you know still calls ya Farty pants

Bonus to the first person that can name all 15 songs without looking them up.

Matt Rose has inspired me to do this poll. I know the Hab lovers out there cannot even disagree with this poll. They have now lost 6 in a row and their supposedly best player Sucky Koivu has scored 1 goal in 23 games. When your "best" player scores only 1 goal in 23 games you are bad but how bad. Hopefully this poll will help us find out. Please vote and tell all your friends to come vote.

P.S. the fourth one down should read abominable not amominable. (although from now on the word amominable means smelling of Maves feces)

How bad are the Montreal Canadiens?
	Really Bad.
	Horrible.
	Terrible.
	Amominable.
	Worse than the Detroit Lions.
	Worse than the Boston Celtics.
	Dreadful.
	Atrocious.
	Horrific.
	Horrendous.
	No seriously really, really bad.
	Are they still in the League?
	Bad.
	Imagine a team that was playing with all players who had broken legs and worse than that.
	Worst team in the history of sports.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Ok well it is time to do my updates. First of all blogger forced me to switch. I couldn't even log into my account without switching first so this better work. I put a link to the cowbell solo on the left under movies. You have to guess which one it is. I've added two people under blogs and such. The first is called Queen of 5 Alive. This one belongs to Sarah Canney and if she would like to explain her nickname to you I'll let her do that. I'd add her husband but he is a Hab when it comes to blogging. Incidently Sucky Koivu has scored only one goal in 22 games. The second one I added is Next G.S. and that will link you to Keith Drury's blog. The nickname explains itself. Keith is wrong 45% of the time but even then he entertains me. Under Grand Manan bloggers I have added the Mad Catter. This one belongs to Cathy Spicer which I should have added a long time ago but I forgot. The last one is a person I called the Good Laura. There is only one good person I know named Laura and that is of course Laura Tate. That other Laura well we all know what she is really like. So that is it. Just an update and here's to hoping the Habs make it 6 losses in a row.

Blogger is trying to convince me to update my blog. I kind of like my old set up. I've had exactly zero spam if you don't count comments from Andrew Maves, Mike Ross, and more recently Crusty Guy. (I do love those guys but sheeesh) If my blog implodes or freezes up or disappears in the next week it will be because I decided to listen to their advice on how to "improve" my blog. The best way I could improve my blog would be to post more and be less serious than I have been. Let's face it there are not enough blogs out there that deal with the real issues of the day and so with that in mind I am bringing back one of my favourite features and yours. That's right it is the return of the TOP 9 LIST.

Top 9 Most Important Issues of the Day

#7 How can we get American Idol and all its subsidiary shows (Canadian Idol, Australian Idol) off the air? I agree with Al Gore our air is polluted enough get rid of this show. A Country singer won it one year that tells me how much talent is left after Kelly Clarkson (she's amazing) in the U.S.

#6 Who should American's vote for in the next election? I think the choice is obvious. Larry Ghan has been serving well as the Bannock County Commissioner for a while now and people who live in the Bear River watershed should give him yet another chance. It is an exciting time waiting to see who the new commissioner will be.

#5 Should the Canadian National Anthem be changed to the "Candy Mountain" song from Charlie the Unicorn? Again the obvious answer is yes. All amazing creations should be celebrated which is why we have both a Ground Hog Day and a pancake day and a Boxing day. A country that celebrates Groundhogs, pancakes and boxes deserves to have a National Anthem that we can be proud of. (anyone out there that hasn't seen Charlie the Unicorn will immediately go on my Dead to Me list. (Sorry Stephen)

# 4 Should Canada force retirement of all people 40 and older. Don't just dismiss this. If everyone 40 and older left the work force there would be a lot of job openings and unemployment would be history. Also this would mean that there would be no more Gaither concerts as the only people who would be willing to work at them would have been forced into retirement.

#3 I'm done with honouring the name "Pete" and his wonderful creation the "Za" From now on when I flatten out dough put sauce and an array of meats and cheese and onions on top I will be referring to it as Ronza (in honour of Ron Francis) In 2007 Just say no to Peteza.

#2 Seriously can we deport Rosie O'Donnel yet. Her opinion means about as much to me as the annual Country Music Awards. Yes that's right every year they actually honour Country music. ( I think the show only lasts 15 minutes and there are a lot of commercials) Rosie must go. Replace her with Harvey Firestein. His melodic voice is so much better than the nails on a chalkboard squelch that emits itself from the lips of Rosie. 'Nuff said.

#1 The # 1 of my top 9 most important issues of the day is, is Andy Samberg the funniest guy to ever be on Saturday Night Live. The obvious answer is no as that title will always be reserved for Jon Lovitz. But c'mon he is funny. His Digital shorts have literally saved this show. Last week he had a feature Andy Pops into Frame which made me giggle a lot. In fact I'm leaving right now to put the video on my myspace page.

P.S. I have the best song ever on my myspace page.

No props this blog thus breaking the progger streak I was on. I know most of you are wondering how I'm doing after watching Grossman and my Bears Defense totally blow an easy win against an overrated Indy team with a has been quarterback. (Pay me a ton Manning) I'm actually doing quite well. My favourite hockey team is still the Stanley Cup champions. (the Canes who beat Satan's team tonight 2-1) My favourite NRL team is still the world champs. (Brisbane Broncos) And so I had the Sydney Swans and the Chicago Bears in final games as well over this past year. My Lakers and Blue Jays are much improved (both have won numerous titles) and the Toronto Rock will no doubt win the Lacrosse championship again this year. What I'm saying is it would be greedy of me to expect the entire sports world to win for me every time. I've seen every single one of my favourite sports franchises win the championship. Not many other people can say that. In addition to the above teams mentioned I've seen the Uconn Huskies win the national championship twice. I've seen the women Huskies win 5 times. My three favourite tennis players of all time (John McEnroe, Goran Ivanisevic, and Rafael Nadal) have all won majors for me. My favourite poker player (Tony G) has won multiple tournaments. My fav. CFL team (Toronto Argonauts) have won several Grey cups for me. My favourite soccer team (Germany) has won the World cup three times. So what I'm saying is I have nothing left to ask from the sports world. Every championship from now on just adds to my amazing resume. None of you out there can match this list of accomplishments and so I will sigh for your sadness now. Sigh....

P.S. If the Bears sign Garcia in the off season we'll win it next year any ways.

HAPPY GROUND HOG DAY!!!!!

Hopefully before you even read this you will be basking in the joy that is Ground Hog Day. You never know you could receive a Ground Hog Day pastry when you least expect it. I can hardly believe another whole year has passed. I've been counting the days since December 15 which as we all know is 50 days before Ground Hog Day. So even though this officially makes me a progger in order to honour a promise I made to Chris Stephens I have put my first personal video on Youtube. This is my Ground Hog Day gift to the world. Just click on the link and check out my very first public cowbell solo. I know I've lost most of you now as you race to be one of the first to see this video but to those who are still reading please remember the words of Bill Murray in the movie Ground Hog Day: You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: "It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life."