Monday, March 29, 2004
My Leafs won yet again tonight. Uconn is in the final four. Ron Francis tied for 19th on alltime scoring list and 3 points away from 1800 points. Montreal has lost 3 games in a row. I'm winning my Bethany Hockey and Basketball pool. The sports world couldn't be much better to me. Or could it? Here are my top 5 sports wishes for the next few months:
# 5 Ron Francis signs a 12 year 120 million dollar contract with the Maple Leafs. Leaf fans complain about the length of the contract until they find out Ron has been receiving blood transfusions from Gordie Howe.
#4 Los Angeles Lakers win the first of their eightpete championships. Emeka Okafor is drafted by the Lakers and Shaq in traded in a three way deal for Ray Allen and Richard Hamilton.
#3 The Bears sign a trimmed down 330 pound Refrigerator Perry to a one year deal. The Fridge leads the team with 68 sacks and throws the winning superbowl pass to recent signee Bob Flutie. (the unknown Flutie)
#2 UCONN men and women win the National championship. Duke is so humiliated in their game that they drop their basketball program and invest their money in a lawnchair catch league.
#1 The bubonic plague makes a comeback in the Habs dressing room. Patricia Roy is visiting the dressing room at the time and screams "It's not fair I wasn't ready." Montreal never fields a team again and the rights to the team name are purchased by Martha Stewart.
# 5 Ron Francis signs a 12 year 120 million dollar contract with the Maple Leafs. Leaf fans complain about the length of the contract until they find out Ron has been receiving blood transfusions from Gordie Howe.
#4 Los Angeles Lakers win the first of their eightpete championships. Emeka Okafor is drafted by the Lakers and Shaq in traded in a three way deal for Ray Allen and Richard Hamilton.
#3 The Bears sign a trimmed down 330 pound Refrigerator Perry to a one year deal. The Fridge leads the team with 68 sacks and throws the winning superbowl pass to recent signee Bob Flutie. (the unknown Flutie)
#2 UCONN men and women win the National championship. Duke is so humiliated in their game that they drop their basketball program and invest their money in a lawnchair catch league.
#1 The bubonic plague makes a comeback in the Habs dressing room. Patricia Roy is visiting the dressing room at the time and screams "It's not fair I wasn't ready." Montreal never fields a team again and the rights to the team name are purchased by Martha Stewart.
Friday, March 26, 2004
Congrats to Ottawa for humiliating the Habs tonight and giving them their second loss in a row. My favourite college basketball team won theirgame going to the Elite Eight baby!! (Uconn Huskies) Ron Francis scored a goal moving him 1 goal away from Michel Goulet for 19th on the alltime list and only 6 points away from 1800. All in all this was a great sports night. And now for something completely different: Psychic Helps Police Waste Valuable Time
MANCHESTER, NH—More than 36 hours after the disappearance of 13-year-old Heather Jordan, Manchester police hired local psychic Lynette Mure-Davis to help waste their valuable time Monday. "I see a river... and along the banks is an outcropping with five lilac bushes," said Mure-Davis, who then paused a full 90 seconds to "collect vibrations" from Jordan's scarf. "I also see a man... tall, but stocky, wearing... a hat. And an animal, perhaps a dog." As of press time, Jordan was still trapped under a collapsed utility shed three blocks west of her house.
MANCHESTER, NH—More than 36 hours after the disappearance of 13-year-old Heather Jordan, Manchester police hired local psychic Lynette Mure-Davis to help waste their valuable time Monday. "I see a river... and along the banks is an outcropping with five lilac bushes," said Mure-Davis, who then paused a full 90 seconds to "collect vibrations" from Jordan's scarf. "I also see a man... tall, but stocky, wearing... a hat. And an animal, perhaps a dog." As of press time, Jordan was still trapped under a collapsed utility shed three blocks west of her house.
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Wow what a game. I laughed, I cried (tears of joy) I got a snack. Watched some more. Truly a brilliant game. For those of you who don't know I'm referring to the final game Patricia Roy played in Montreal as a Hab. The key point of the game is goal 7. At this point the fans start booing Roy and Roy starts throwing temper tantrums on the ice. This made me giggle. Goal 8 was very soft but fun. I have to admit I admired Mario Trembley's decision to leave Roy in even after telling the back up to get ready after goal 8 hee hee hee. When goal 9 goes in (I am in hysterics) the best goalie named Pat ever to play for the Habs goes into the game: his name Pat Jablonski. Roy goes to the bench and says his famous 7 words: "I not playing for youse guys anymore" (I peed my pants I was laughing so hard) Then he sulked for the rest of the game. What joy this game has brought me. Anyways I checked out the petition and we are up to 42 names including another habhater convert, none other than Dick Irvin. Dick (aptly named) also left a tribute in his comments to one of my favourite rap groups of all time: The FU-Schnickens.(What's Up Doc? with Shaq and Heavenly Father) Thanks dick. Counting Justin Coutu and H.C. Wilson that makes three converts.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
In my hands right now I have a copy of Patricia Roy's last game in Montreal. I will give you a full report on the game tommorrow. My new mission is October 19, 1985 where Hartford scored 11 goals on Montreal. I would give a substantial reward to the person that could get me that game. On Saturday I attended the Ottawa Senator, Carolina Hurricanes game which Carolina won in overtime 3-2. As a Leaf fan I must say that the Senators are a useless gob of sloth saliva entwined in a rat turd. (and they couldn't even beat Carolina currently 30th in goals for in the NHL) Graham and I wore Maple Leaf symbols over our Carolina stmbols on my two Ron Francis jerseys. It was fun listening to the Ottawa fans blame everyone except for their useless team for the loss. Here is a link to Doug McKenzie's website. He is currently in a battle with Trevor Poelman (a dutchman) (also the man who rejected my application during the win a date with Trevor Poelman fiasco) over who can kill the other one in the most creative way. Very entertaining. And finally the second round results of the NCAA pool that I hosted:
1. Tim Branscombe 45 points
2. Caleb lapointe 44 points
3. Kirk Perry 43 points
4. Michelle Craven and Graham Perry with 40 points.
1. Tim Branscombe 45 points
2. Caleb lapointe 44 points
3. Kirk Perry 43 points
4. Michelle Craven and Graham Perry with 40 points.
Saturday, March 20, 2004
Caleb and I went to a hockey game tonight featuring the Brockville Braves. This was an incredible night. They had a draw to win some fabulous prizes. First prize was an autographed Ron Francis jersey. 2nd prize was a 2003 Ford Probe. The winners were both excited. Throughout the night (4 times) they played Ron Francis's theme music every time Brockville scored. (for those of you who don't know Ron Francis's theme song is "Simply the Best") Great night. Well here are the top 5 in my personal NCAA pool not the same as the Bethany one I linked you to.
1st Caleb Lapointe 28 points
2nd Stefan Hettrick and Matthew Craven 26 points
4th Kirk Perry and Tim Branscombe 25 points
1st Caleb Lapointe 28 points
2nd Stefan Hettrick and Matthew Craven 26 points
4th Kirk Perry and Tim Branscombe 25 points
Thursday, March 18, 2004
Long time no post. I have been in Ontario this week and will be 'til Monday of next. Thanks to all of you who joined our March Madness pool. It is always great watching the person that knows the least about basketball win those things. I'm keeping this short but once again Doug M. brings up a good point. What will we have to burn at the camp fire this year at Zion Hill. So far all I have is 2 sets of Hab salt and pepper shakers but I will keep searching. If any of you have or can borrow or steal other Hab merchandise I would be glad to burn it for you. Just let me know.
Monday, March 15, 2004
I had my first Hab joke submitted by none other than the patriarch of my family. Here is his joke. "What do the Habs and the Titanic have in common? Answer they both look great until they hit the ice. (Especially to Ribiero) Anyone interested in joining our Bethany NCAA Men's Basketball pool need to follow the following link and fill out their bracketts before Thursday. Here's the link:March Madness The league ID: is 21318 Password is: blazers
Saturday, March 13, 2004
I'm adding another link to this site. This one is for some more personal friends of mine who have a little band. (how cute) Actually they're really good and you can pick up their album in Halifax, Saint John, Moncton, and Fredericton. (so far actually I have no clue where you can get one. I'm just taking a wild guess) They're name is, drum roll please: Metallica. When you get tired with them check this out: Three Season Ant
Thursday, March 11, 2004
I'm not making this up!! Just watching Headline Sports. Mike Ribiero (Hab) was asked what he thought of Alexei Kovalev being on the Habs. His Response: "He is good to look at" (very interesting)
I took a look at the petition today. (see banner at top of page) I was pleased to see H.C. Wilson's name added. That makes two former hablovers becoming habhaters in one week. (Justin Coutu is the other) I want you to read Nathan Green's comment that he left as I found it titillating:
"I play roller hockey in East Tennessee where I live. I was proudly displaying a Leafs jersey during the game when some stupid southern red neck came up and said, "Oh the Maple Leafs are they not from Montreal!" I quietly clenched my fist and without any consideration what so ever I punched the freaken moron in the face."
It is great to have ambassadors like Nathan out there to spread the enlightening joy of hatred towards habs and their minions. Some of you have asked about my reaction to the Todd Bertuzzi incident. My response is simple I wish Vancouver had been playing the Habs that night. (I do think he should have missed the regular season and 1st round of playoffs. What he got I feel is extreme and more based on public outcry than actual events)
"I play roller hockey in East Tennessee where I live. I was proudly displaying a Leafs jersey during the game when some stupid southern red neck came up and said, "Oh the Maple Leafs are they not from Montreal!" I quietly clenched my fist and without any consideration what so ever I punched the freaken moron in the face."
It is great to have ambassadors like Nathan out there to spread the enlightening joy of hatred towards habs and their minions. Some of you have asked about my reaction to the Todd Bertuzzi incident. My response is simple I wish Vancouver had been playing the Habs that night. (I do think he should have missed the regular season and 1st round of playoffs. What he got I feel is extreme and more based on public outcry than actual events)
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
My favourite team for the rest of this season will now be the Toronto Maple Leafs. (Back to Carolina next year) For those of you who don't know Ron Francis is now a Maple Leaf. Go Leafs Go!!!!! Go Leafs Go!!!!! I wonder if Gary Roberts will show some class and give Francis his # 10. Knowing how classy Francis is he won't even ask for it. I'm very happy about this deal not just because Francis has another good shot at a cup but because yet another Eastern conference team has improved themselves giving the Habs no chance of advancing in the playoffs. (assuming they make it) Congrats to the Leafs.
Sunday, March 07, 2004
When you create something you can only hope it will bring more good to the world. I was so pleased to read Justin Coutu's comment and subsequent defection to habhater paradise. In case you missed it her is Justin's comment "Hmmmmm.... I have been reading Kirk's Hab bashing for quite some time and have come to a conclusion myself. I too from now on will bash the Habs. Truth is I don't like hockey much anyway. Well cheerio and all that jazz" Welcome to the light. 1 screwed up hockey fan down 134563 to go. (some hab fans may think that number should be higher but I've been converting hablovers away from their Satanic ways for years)
Friday, March 05, 2004
Sorry so long between posts I was away for a couple of days and had no access to my computer. Any ways I get home and my car had been vandalized. Some brainless, idiots (judging by the content of what they wrote) had grafitied my car with Hab symbols and sayings. I've said it thousands of times and I'll say it at least three more "All hab fans are violent, destructive criminals" Montreal riots over a suspension on one of their players, destroying their own city after playoff wins, throwing rocks at 12 and 13 year old kids just because they are American, and now destroying the look of my car. When will this madness stop? Enough about that I know you're all dying to hear what I think of Montreal's recent trades (Who am I kidding most of you could care less but shut-up and listen anyway.) Picking up Alexis Kovelev bothers me a lot because unlike the entire Canadiens roster he doesn't suck. My hope is he will begin to play like those around him. Then we have Jim Dowd. (snicker) Proven playoff performer. (once had 3 points in playoffs when NJ won the cup) He is such a great player that teams just have to hold on to him because of his value like the New Jersey Devils, Vancouver Canucks, New York Islanders, Calgary Flames, Nashville Predators, Edmonton Oilers, Minnesota Wild and now the Habs. (wait it sounds like he's useless everywhere) Well his 198 points over his 14 year career should really help the Habs win games. (snicker, snicker 14 points a year average) At least he'll take up a roster spot.
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
I received as possibly some of the rest of you did an email from Bryan Simpson. I would like to applaud his efforts to get the word out about the petition. (click banner at top of page) Bryan sent me a habhater's pledge as well which I would like to share with the rest of you:
"Habhater's Pledge (please raise right hand and read aloud):
I hereby Declare my Hatred of the montreal canadians;
I shall always do my best to humiliate, in any way, any and all hab fans I come across;
I agree that all canadian fans should be locked up for life, as this in itself
is a far worse crime than murder;
To Robert Bruce be all the pain, shame and blame, for ever and ever,
Sincerely, (your name here)
Please pass this on."
While the wording is not exactly the way I would have done it I deeply appreciate the sentiment of this pledge. Thank you Bryan for continuing in the effort to make this world a habless place.
"Habhater's Pledge (please raise right hand and read aloud):
I hereby Declare my Hatred of the montreal canadians;
I shall always do my best to humiliate, in any way, any and all hab fans I come across;
I agree that all canadian fans should be locked up for life, as this in itself
is a far worse crime than murder;
To Robert Bruce be all the pain, shame and blame, for ever and ever,
Sincerely, (your name here)
Please pass this on."
While the wording is not exactly the way I would have done it I deeply appreciate the sentiment of this pledge. Thank you Bryan for continuing in the effort to make this world a habless place.
Monday, March 01, 2004
I just wanted to add if you haven't been checking my SlitZoMan link every Monday you are really missing out. This weeks cartoon is great, last weeks was my favourite yet. This site is created by a couple friends of mine who have a twisted sense of humour like my own. Also hi Carrie thanks for signing my petition. Carrie is from Grand Manan but is living in Holland for 6 months. Miss you. Say hi that girl that made fun of my German for me.
First of all I hope all of you have noticed the amazing creation at the top of my page. Thanks to Caleb Lapointe you and all your friends can just click on this banner to do your part of eliminating the Hab plague on society. I particularly enjoy the doo doo on the Hab symbol. Secondly in our very anticlimactic conclusion to AaronPerryremindsmeofthehindendofababoongate Graham has indeed denounced the Habs over all teams including the Senators, 86 Detroit Pistons, 72 Russian squad, and the 1998 Liberal Caucus Lawn Dart Team. Conclusion of AaronPerryremindsmeofthehindendofababoongate is this the only blood relative Perry relative of nine that cheers for the Habs openly is Aaron Perry. What can you expect I suppose from a guy who believes that purgatory is real. (good paper though)
